Excerpt from Daily Cures, Wisdom for Healthy Aging by Connie Mason Michaelis
What a simple thought; acceptance is the key. A favorite author, Bill Harris, says, “All suffering is caused by resistance.” Whether you can bite the bullet on all or not, let’s say that most suffering is caused by resistance. We hurt because we don’t like what is happening. Sometimes, the hurt manifests as sadness, but maybe it shows up as anger. As you examine your life and think about what is causing you to suffer or be angry, you might ask the question, “What am I resisting?” As you grow older, there is plenty to resist, right?
When you resist, you limit your options. If the answer is no, you’re stuck. When you let go of resistance, opportunities open up, and you can make better decisions. What does all this have to do with senior living? Over the years, I have talked to thousands of families whose loved ones are dead set against moving out of their home. There is no discussion and no willingness to have a conversation. Even though their health is compromised and they are unsafe at home, denial has set in like concrete. What is being resisted? What is the solution? Pushing only creates more resistance, so it does no good to push. Ask the doctor for an assessment and recommendation as part of an annual physical. Discuss the situation with a favorite clergy that may have influence. In a non-confrontational way, discuss the emotional burden that the family bears. Sometimes, Seniors forget that family members lay awake at night worrying. Begin to compile a list of options: private duty nursing, meals on wheels, adult daycare. Then approach the topic by comparing the convenience, the price, safety, and privacy issues. Do your best to put the Elder in the driver’s seat by using calm, realistic reasoning and let them decide what’s best.